Histories
by MaisyGrace
Summary: I'll give you a spoiler that this is to do with Nikki's past  and it is one I've made up for her, so please don't be offended if it doesn't fit with what you believe . There will be Harry/Nikki.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

She could not justify the feeling of unease that made her look, then touch, then open the file that lay on Leo's desk. She should not have known, but she did; even before she saw the picture. A woman lay, grey and bloated with death on a bed that should have been white, but wasn't. Crimson had soaked and darkened into the sheets where it had drained from her. Bright life turned crusty where it had become still.

Nikki felt her own life flutter in her, but her eyes were stuck. She kept on looking, looking as she reacted, looking at herself react.

There were photos of the woman's wrists, gaping with twisted grimaces. And something else – strips of material? Someone had taken the time to identify them, laying them out against a white background with a ruler. Mr. Bump sticking plasters.

For the first time, Nikki's stomach rebelled against this assault on her eyes. She stumbled out of the office and into the clean room. Leaning against the empty metal sink she retched and vomited black coffee. It was the force of this that squeezed the tears from her eyes as she hung there, trembling.

"Nikki?" she heard herself moan, low and quiet and Harry was beside her in moments. He didn't say anything else, just emitted comforting sounds of sympathy and encouragement as he supported her left elbow and rubbed her back.

He didn't know what to say, because the concern that filled him seemed slightly out of proportion. When the waves of back-to-front convulsions seemed to ease a little and she slumped, exhausted, half against him and half against the sink he scraped back a stray strand of hair and looked her in the eyes.

"Dodgy chicken?" he said with a little smile. Half of her mouth reciprocated and she seemed to draw herself together but her eyes said 'shut' and he could not see inside.

He turned on the tap and she splashed her face and rinsed her mouth.

"Or dodgy coffee," he corrected, he was after all an expert in distinguishing stomach contents.

Nikki stood up straight, drying herself on her sleeve and murmured something that he didn't catch. He drew her close.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yes, sorry," she nodded. She did seem better. "It's coffee on an empty stomach, always a bad idea... oh, yuck, did I get anything on you?"

He smiled. "No, you were remarkably neat, shame you can't bring those principles to your pit of a desk!" She didn't seem to have the energy to fight, but pinched him so he squirmed away. Holding her at arms length he said, "you sure you're ok?"

"Yes," she repeated soundly, "I just need to go home and get some rest."

"Do you want me to drive you?" He'd like to do something.

"No, it's ok, I've got my car."

He sighed, louder than he meant to, then kissed her forehead making her wrinkle her nose, more in reflex than in thought. It felt like they had performed this gesture many times. He wanted to say more, to do more, but his potentials didn't seem to actuate – they died on contact with air.

"Take care," he said, seriously.

"I will." And he watched her leave, frowning slightly as he put his own hand on the sink and used the other to scratch his chin.

Sitting in the driving seat, even before she turned the key, she knew it had begun again – the running. She was running away.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

When Harry came into work the next day, Leo was waiting for him.

"We've got a strange sort of a case," he said, backing into his office. Harry followed and closed the door.

"Is Nikki in?" he asked.

"No, not yet, why?" Surprised at his lack of interest Leo pushed the open file across the desk. Harry glanced at it but wasn't really looking. Leo could tell.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes," he said. He had no real reason to say anything else. "I just wanted to talk to her."

"Well we need her for this case really," now he'd caught the younger man's attention. Harry finally let his eyes settle on the file before him and frowned.

"Doesn't look like the cause of death is much of a mystery..."

"No... she bled out. But they didn't find the knife and, well, it looks like someone tried to patch her up."

"With sticking plasters! You've got to be kidding me..."

"Harry, they think it was a child, her child, and they never found her."

Harry turned away from the pictures to look at the text but stopped when he found he couldn't read it, it was in French. Leo nodded.

"It's an old case, 15 years old and from France but they picked up a trafficker the other week who admitted to helping this little girl get to England. Said she had an English passport. So they sent the file to us."

"And they want Nikki to age up this face?" Asked Harry.

"The police do, yes, they know she's the best."

"Why do they need to find her anyway? They can't think she's involved – she must be what, 11, 12?"

"I suppose they want to close the case – apparently it was quite a big thing at the time."

The two men stood in silence for a moment, looking at the little face with it's big blue eyes and dark brown curls.

"Poor kid," Leo voiced what they were both thinking.

"I'll give Nikki a ring," said Harry, "check she's ok..."

"Are you worried?"

"She looked like she was getting sick last night, that's all."

"Ok."

Harry left, taking the picture of the young girl with him, holding it by the bottom corner so it flapped slightly as he walked. He sat at his desk and dialled Nikki's number as he turned over the photograph. Someone had written in black ink the girl's name: Cecile Moreau and then "Coco". Nikki didn't pick up.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

"Ah, Nikki," said Leo, standing up at the sound of someone swiping in.

"Sorry Leo, been a bit poorly," glancing at the clock he saw it had just gone two. He frowned.

"That's ok, are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, yes, totally..." She didn't look it. She was terribly pale and didn't seem to want to meet his eyes. He caught her arm a moment to stop her bustling, half in half out of his office and they stood still a moment but she just stared at his shirt buttons.

"hmm," he said, looking at the top of her head. "Let Harry know you're here, he was worried. You'll have to give him a call cos he's out on a case at the moment... and I've left a file on your desk – need you to age up a face..."

"Ok," she nodded, still looking at his buttons. He let her go. She bustled off, heavy bag falling from her shoulder to the crook of her arm as she struggled with the door. It slammed shut behind her and he just watched the space she had been in for a moment, understanding why Harry had been concerned. Something wasn't right. The phone went, and he dragged himself away from his ponderings.

Sitting at her desk, Nikki balanced a mug of coffee precariously on piles of slithering paper and tried to relax. She didn't want to open the file again. She couldn't open the file again. But then she noticed someone had removed the necessary photograph and propped it up behind her keyboard. Coco. She hadn't seen this face in years and years but it was oh too familiar. Grabbing the mug she took a gulp of coffee then spluttered as it was still far too hot. Black droplets settled over everything.

"Damn," she said out loud, then returned the mug to the pile and rummaged in her bottomless bag for a pack of tissues before attempting to mop up.

The door opened and she leapt up suddenly, guiltily, startled. Papers slid and with a crash mug met floor and smashed, its dying act to send out a hot black puddle all around her feet. She burst into tears.

"Nikki Nikki Nikki," said Harry, surprised. He crossed the room in a few giant strides and held her close in a big bear hug, so tight she couldn't even tremble. "What's the matter?"

"It was a lovely mug," she managed between her tears. He sat her down and knelt to pick up the pieces, finishing up her tissues in an attempt to mop up the mess.

"I'll get you a new one, don't worry," he tried, bemused, but she kept on crying. "Let me get you some tissues so you can clean up your face," he said, "or make the best of it anyway!" She smiled a little, wetly.

He left her, reluctantly, to get on with the autopsy and as he changed into his scrubs he noticed with a funny feeling in his stomach that his shirt was still damp with her tears.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

Nikki worked slowly from the picture. Painfully slowly. She said it was tricky, and she wanted to do a good job but Harry was dubious. She seemed fine, but he was still a little shaken from the earlier scene.

"Can I have a look?" he asked.

"No!" She quickly minimised the screen before meeting his eyes as she chastised him. "It's a work in progress, you shouldn't show people your works in progress..."

"Ok!" He held his hands up defensively and backed off, smiling uncertainly.

"I'll finish it tonight and you can see it in the morning."

"It's getting late Nikki, don't stay too long." He knew how she was when she got into something.

"It's fine, I was late in, I want to get it done."

"Ok," he said again. "Goodnight." He took her hand from the little distance that had formed between them, feeling it relax as he massaged the base of her fingers with his thumb. She sat down and he left.

Nikki had lied. The age-up was done. She had kept the hair long and brown but she couldn't bear to do a bad job and this job wasn't difficult – she was sitting in the picture she was trying to make.

She knew they would recognise her. Blond hair, changed name aside she could not escape her own face. And she felt as she had done as a child – she had done something terrible and she had to run. It had worked then, why couldn't it work now?

But there was one big difference – Harry. It came upon her as though she hadn't realised it before. He was her friend and family and he would need an explanation.

She didn't feel emotional, as she took out a pen and paper. All her tears were gone – she remembered this feeling. It had left her with a sort of graceful functionality which was quite unusual for her.

_Dear Harry,_

She stopped and stared into space, chewing at a lip that was already becoming sore.

_I don't know if you're going to believe this, when you read it. I accept that it is rather unbelievable. I have managed to build up around myself a life that works (at least as well as can be expected) but actually my life is quite insane. You don't know me like you think you do, Harry, I don't think you really know me at all. It's not your fault. I created this. _

_You've probably worked out by now that I am the girl in the photograph. I watched my mother die and did not save her. We were in France, we'd only been there a year, I don't even know why we went – my mother running away from my father I would guess. We'd even changed our names. I never got a chance to ask. _

_And I was so scared Harry, so desperate to get back to South Africa where things had been good once, that I fled. I went to the coast, in Normandy, and tried to get myself together. They put out my picture, that picture, on the news. I was 'wanted'. I'd become a fugitive. _

_So I had to move quickly. A fisherman agreed to take me to the UK – the journey was not comfortable or dignified but I was so desperate I didn't care and when I saw the white cliffs of Dover... I swam from the boat to a little beach with my rucksack and everything I had got wet but I felt safe for the first time in... forever. _

_I rang our maid in South Africa, begging her to let me stay. She raised the money for a plane ticket and by the time my passport had dried out I was on my way home, back to my old life, as though nothing had happened. The only thing different was the absence of my mother. _

_And I have lived now, for all these years, like it was simply a bad dream. Until I saw that file and I remembered. _

_I can't bear the thought of you looking at me, now you know, know the things I have done. I have to go Harry, but don't think I won't miss you. I can feel the hole already._

_I don't know what to say to Leo, except that I am sorry. Will you talk to him for me, tell him how much I care about him and say thank you._

_God, I wish things didn't have to change. I wish we could stand still when we find something comfortable. _

Honest feeling dropped a tear onto the page, smudging it a little and when she went to wipe away the emerging follower she saw her pen had leaked, after she had wiped a trail of ink across her face.

_I love you. I love you. I love you _she wrote. The words come out like sobs.

_Forever and always,_

_Nikki xxx_


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

Harry stood still for a long when he saw the letter and the aged-up picture lying next to each other on his desk. The want to move came back before the ability to and his brain roared, terrifyingly, like an engine that was not in gear. He managed to open his mouth and tried to shout for Leo, to scream and to swear all at once and they sort of cancelled each other out so that all he produced was a puff of empty air.

He staggered to the sink and stuck his head under the cold tap. It seemed to bring back his voice. He had a terrible feeling; starting in his sacrum it moved up through his guts, his liver, catching his lungs before being dribbled to the air as a long low groan.

"Ahhh," he moaned, sinking. "Ahhh..."

Leo came out of his office, puzzled.

"Harry?" he asked. It took him less than a second to realise something was terribly wrong. He crossed the room and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder, gripping tightly with his fingers – a show of strong support, he hoped, but inside he had turned to butterflies.

Harry gestured limply towards the desk, without looking. Following his hand Leo saw the letter, picked it up and began to read. When he'd finished he put it down and looked up.

Harry was recovering himself from the terrible shock. He met Leo's eyes and said, very quietly,

"We need to find her..."

"Harry... how?"

"We need to find her..." he said again, louder and stronger now. "She's a danger to herself, she's not thinking straight! We can't just let her disappear!" The last sentence came out as an angry shout and he let go of the sink, standing up tall and glaring.

"No," Leo nodded. "No, we won't let her disappear."


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

Unashamed of his actions, Harry logged into Nikki's computer – it wasn't hard, he found her password on a pink post-it in her draw. Leo was hovering over his shoulder and he could feel his hot breath on his neck, it annoyed him but he was too distracted to complain.

Opening up the internet he checked her history. He could feel his heart beat in his mouth as he dragged up the receipt for plane tickets to South Africa. It left from Heathrow in – he looked at his watch – 2 hours.

Leo burst into action first, their shaky energy bouncing off each other as they formulated a plan.

"I'll go to her flat, check she isn't there if you want to go to the airport..."

"Yes," agreed Harry, clicking print. They looked at each other deeply, just for a moment, before Leo grabbed his coat and left.

The printer took too long. It took all his attention for Harry not to thump it. He tore the sheet of paper as it immerged, swore; then, realising he had all the information; he strode out to his car. He ignored the ringing telephones. The Lyell centre was not working today.

He drove too fast. Screeching to a halt at a red light there was the irritating sound of other peoples' horns and he hurt his neck. He raised his left hand to cradle it a little.

Leaving his car in the short stay car park, he ran, blind with panic into the terminal. No one gave him a second glance. He paced around in front of departures, sweating cold sweat and shaking in the over heated building. He pulled out a photograph which had gotten crumpled in his pocket and began to thrust it a people...

"Have you seen this woman?" He asked everyone and anyone. He could not find a positive response.

He waited like this until he heard the announcer say check-in had closed. He sat down, cradling again his sore neck and felt ready to cry but he was too choked up.

His phone rang, breaking into his thoughts and he scrambled in his pocket for it. Leo.

"She's not here Harry, and I think she's packed a bag..." He took the phone away from his ear and stared at it.

"...Harry?"

"Sorry Leo, but I think I must have missed her." It felt worse once he'd said it.

"Harry, listen, you need to go to the desk and ask if she made the flight – ok?"

"Ok," he replied dejectedly. He was all out of hope.

"No, Nikki Alexander didn't make the flight," said the attendant cheerily, not responding to his ragged appearance and desperate eyes – sights she probably saw everyday.

"She didn't?" He exclaimed, sparking up with a mad sort of energy.

"No, she didn't..." frowned the lady behind the desk.

"Thank you!" He turned around and ran back towards the car park. She had to be here somewhere... why had she missed her flight?

He scoured the car parks like a sniffer dog, stopping everyone he could and shoving the photo at them dumbly. "Why did Nikki have such a common car?" he raged as his hopes were raised and dashed for the fourth time.

But then he found it, and there was no doubt, because he saw her. The passenger's seat was reclined and she had curled herself up on it, lying dreadfully still.

"Nikki!" he shouted, "Nikki!" She did not stir. He grabbed the handle and it opened so easily he almost fell on top of her. He clumsily felt beneath her jaw line for a pulse and found it, strong and steady. Breathing slightly easier, he shook her shoulders and she opened her eyes – looking right into his.

He felt faint with relief, gripping her head to his chest he breathed in the familiar smell of her and noticed another smell. Alcohol. He saw a half-empty bottle of vodka in the foot well and sighed a little.

"What have you done?" He murmered, "You silly, silly girl what have you done?"


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7_

"Harry, I'm so sorry..." she slurred. He had somehow managed to slide himself in underneath him and now she lay in his lap, head on his chest with his chin upon it. It was such a comfort to hold her close.

"You must hate me..." she said.

"How can you say that?" He moaned. "I love you Nikki, I love you so much it's actually hurting me right now."

"But you don't know me..." her voice trailed away.

"Yes I do. I may not know everything about your history but that doesn't change who you are right now and it doesn't change who you'll be in the future."

"How can you know what will become of me in the future?" He saw that she was crying now, and wiped her tears with his thumb and her nose on his sleeve. She was snuggling into him like a kitten and he took his time, formulating what to say next.

"I know that you will marry a man who loves you endlessly, and have beautiful babies that are just as stubborn and silly and crazily clever as you..."

"Don't Harry," she said, but she had stopped crying and had tilted her face up so she was looking him in his eyes.

"Why am I so sure? I'm sure because you're going to marry me. Didn't you know that?" She moved her mouth but no sound came out. He watched her for a little while in silence, before saying, "there are things we need to sort out though Nikki. Things that can't wait much longer because they've waited to long already.

"I can't," she was crying again, sobbing helplessly, hopelessly.

"Yes you can. You're not a child anymore. You're a strong, intelligent woman and you must know if you really think about it that you've done nothing wrong."

"I didn't save her..."

"You couldn't save her. That's not the same. Put yourself in my shoes, or in the shoes of the French police – did you actually do anything wrong?"

"I can't go back there Harry..."

"Yes you can. I'll hold your hand all the way. All they want is to see that you're alive. To close the case. That's all. You need to sober up," he smiled, wiping away more of her tears, "get some rest and then we'll go to Paris together, look the monster in the face and I am sure it cannot be as bad as how you've been imagining it for all these years."

She seemed to be getting less and less responsive – had she actually fallen asleep again? Perhaps it was the relief, or maybe it was the terror. Probably it was the vodka. He slid out from underneath her, raising the seat a little so he could fasten her seat belt. He kissed her forehead before walking round the car and letting himself in on the drivers side.

Before starting the engine, he got out his phone.

"Harry!" Leo answered straight away. "What's going on?"

"I've got her, she's..." he looked across at his semi-conscious friend, "she's very drunk."

"Do you need to take her to hospital? I could meet you there."

"I think we should spare her the indignity of a night in A and E. Could you pop by and pick up some Hartman's and a canulation kit?"

"Is that a good idea Harry?"

"We're doctors aren't we? Leo, I need to do something to help."

"I'll see what I can do..."

"Thank you. I'm bringing her home."

"Ok, I'll meet you there."


End file.
